You are irreplaceable, my firstborn
Today marks the third week of the birth of my angel....Raphael Roque. Birth...I’m not even sure that it’s the right term since Raphael was born straight to heaven. I’ve been dreading writing this post because it forces me to face reality....the reality that my baby who brought me and my husband so much joy and for whom we thought the future loomed so bright is no longer with us. I sometimes wake up dazed, fully expecting the cries of a hungry baby...a sound that have not and will never come.
I can still remember the day when my baby was diagnosed with having Edward’s syndrome during the seventh month of my pregnancy. The doctor advised my husband and I to prepare, both emotionally and spiritually, for the eventuality that our baby would only have a short life here on earth, that is if we even get to meet him alive. The odds were simply stacked against Raphael. But in spite of all the preparations, nothing could have prepared me for the deluge of emotions upon seeing the lifeless body of my son. Oh how handsome he was! With wispy hair, tender features and lips as red as a rose. It was truly gut-wrenching. I felt so helpless...I could not do anything to help save my baby, the baby whom my husband and I brought to life.
While my baby’s life may have been short, I will forever be grateful for his legacy. He has taught me how to love unconditionally...the way a mother loves her child, to see beyond his physical defects, see the beautiful person inside and love him with all her heart and soul.
I’ve always wondered why God took my angel away even before we got to meet him. I have this theory that maybe my son saw heaven and wanted immediately to play with other angels. Others say that maybe the soul of my son was so beautiful that God immediately wanted him by His side. Whatever the reason, one thing is for sure – Raphael is now happy in heaven, together with my father and brother, playing happily with other angels, waiting patiently for the day he eventually gets to meet his parents.
Oh how my heart aches so much for my baby. But for now, tears are my refuge and sleep, my comfort. To my precious baby Raphael Roque, I would like you to know that we love you and you will forever reside in our hearts. You are irreplaceable, my firstborn, my sweet angel Raphael. Till we meet again.
Labels: Raphael Roque
dear ladybug,. I dont know if you know that my son Gabriel had trisomy 13. Its very similar to trisomy 18. He passed away 5 1/2 years ago at the age of 9 months. I know the pain you are going through. Yes, your precious angel Raphael is truly irreplaceable.. My son was also diagnosed 7 months in utero. I have a foundation GabrielSymphony where I help kids with disabilities. you can also visit that site its www.gabrielsymphony.com. Do stay in touch as I would be happy to do anything that would ease the pain you are going through.. There was a song that gave me much comfort when Gabriel was still alive but in pain in the hospital.. it was "please be still, the Lord is near..." May the comforting presence of our Lord envelope you and give you peace. take care.
Posted by
Pia S. Cayetano |
June 12, 2007 at 9:13 AM
Dear Ladybug, my son who I also named Rafael was also diagnosed with Trisomy 18 in March 2005. I was already in my 35th week of pregnancy when my water bag broke and my doctor was forced to deliver Rafael. The pediatrician already suspected trisomy 18 and it was confirmed by tests 3 days after. He stayed with us for 29 days. Thinking back I really don't know how I was able to cope up with the situation. The first few months were really hard and the pain doesn't really go away but I'm okay now thanks to my family and friends. I will be praying for you and your family and just let me know if I can be of any help.
Posted by
MTE |
July 27, 2007 at 2:52 PM
senator pia> I'm truly honored that you took time out to read my blog. I recently read the book entitled "Fallen Cradle" as suggested by Miss Noemi Dado and I read about your story there. Your story is very moving and I'm touched by how you continue to help and reach out to others in the same situation through the GabrielSymphony Foundation. I'm sure your son is looking down on you from heaven and smiling and proud of what his mommy is doing. Keep up the good work! I also hope to put up a foundation someday in honor of my son. Maybe when I'm more established in my career. We can never give enough help to those who badly need it. God bless.
Posted by
ladybug |
July 27, 2007 at 8:50 PM
marie tanya> Wow! Our kids have the same name pa pala. Grabe talaga...there are still days when I can't imagine how and why this thing happened to my husband and I. We were so looking forward to our first baby and my husband was so proud that it was going to be a boy. It was seven months of bliss. Our world came crashing down talaga when we heard the diagnosis. I'm so glad you found this site and reached out to me. I hope we can stay in touch, kahit through email man lang. While I know that my family and friends have helped me a lot through my grief, it's different when you get to talk to someone who experienced the same thing. Thank you very much.
Posted by
ladybug |
July 27, 2007 at 9:05 PM